Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
