The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You are a genius and a whore.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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