My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
