You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
