I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
