Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
