It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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