Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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