I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
