Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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