it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
