listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
