I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
