i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
