also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
