Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
