yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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