HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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