Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
