some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
