he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize