yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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