Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
