i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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