I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
