Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
