nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
