I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
