she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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