I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
