i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
