my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
