Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
