do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
