New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
