So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
