i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So squirting runs in the family.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
