do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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