a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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