I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
50% drunk capacity currently
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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