when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
