Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
