Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
