I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize