i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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