I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
