i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have tasted many bathrooms
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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