I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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