I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
