Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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