Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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