I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
