The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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