summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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