my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
