Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
