she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
