I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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