got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
