It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
