he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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